Know the symptoms of ovarian cancer and ovarian cysts so they don’t go undiagnosed.

Feels like lately this blog has been turning into what the Discovery Health Network used to be…I called it the “train wreck” channel. Every time you tuned in, it would be the-man-with-the-100-pound-tumor or the-man-who-is-turning-into-a-tree. Today, we bring you…anthropomorphized ovarian cysts. Ta-Da!

Amazing art by Stu. www.stunamidraws.com

I offered some vagaries about my health sitch a few days ago, you were kind enough to offer replies, and I know enough now to share the deets. There are two golf-ball-sized mutated lumps in my abdomen. More specifically, on my right ovary. My objective here is not to totally gross you out, though that may be a side effect. Nor is it to throw myself a proverbial pity party. Quite the contrary. My objective is to discuss the symptoms of ovarian cysts and ovarian cancer so you or your loved ones don’t do what I did and wait several months to go to the doctor because you never put it together. And maybe, just maybe, find a little levity in the process while I wait for surgery.

Cancer is, obviously, serious and not to be made light of (though I certainly share the recent sentiments of friends who have told it to {redacted} off). Trust me…I do know this. I lost my Mom to it. Her Mom had it. Two of her sisters each had multiple cancers. I am quite fully in touch with the insensitivity of making cancer into any sort of joke. Thankfully (understatement), it seems, in my case, I likely don’t have ovarian cancer (though it’s not 100% certain until after surgery and biopsy), but *just* some ginormous ovarian cysts. They are painful and they suck but they are (probably) not cancer.

So, first, symptoms you need to be aware of, which can be signs of either ovarian cancer or cysts. For several months now, I’ve had a backache and leg pain. I never in a million years would have attributed it to ovarian lumps, but it is in fact a common symptom. I’ve also had symptoms similar to pregnancy, painful boobs, nausea, the whole nine yards of too much information. Also very common with ovarian problems. I thought I was just, well, 42. Digestive problems…also a symptom, but I’ve had those forever. Fortunately, I started bleeding, which finally clued me into the fact that something is wrong. But, they don’t call ovarian cancer “the silent killer” for nothing…it is not unusual for it to go undiagnosed, as it did for over a year in Gilda’s Radner‘s case. Which is why I want you to be aware and able to potentially self-diagnose. Here is more information about the similar symptoms of ovarian cysts and ovarian cancer.

Also, please, please, PLEASE do not put off your annual exam. No one looks forward to being poked (hat tip to @bootyp) and prodded, but DO IT. I was six months late, and that is just stupid.

If you’d like to join me in gratitude and in making a donation to Gilda’s Club of Southeastern Wisconsin, which really needs more support to continue providing services to people with cancer of all kinds and their families, I’ve started a Gilda’s Club fundraising page here.

Finally, while I wait, and try to keep my mind busy and free from worry, I had this random notion that I should probably name my two mutated ovarian lumps. Then someone told me that Gilda named her ovarian tumors (or maybe her ovaries, I’m not sure) Rosanna and Danna. HA! Classic. Suggestions thus far for mine have included things like: Rosanna and Danna, in honor of Gilda. Sid and Nancy (love). Itchy and Scratchy. You get the idea. Leave your suggested names in the comments and the one with the most “likes” when I go in for surgery (next week?) gets a case of Sprecher beer, on me and “the girls.” Update: Sprecher Brewery has generously offered to donate the beer, in honor of the “evil cystahs”. Thanks Sprecher!

Thanks for your support, playing along, and making us laugh. Right now, it really is the best medicine.