Less Wii. More wheeeeeeee! Better parenting in 201...

Parenting is hard (to any parent, I am stating the obvious). Much harder than most people imagine, before they are up to their eyeballs in it. With work, and exercise, and keeping a (reasonably) sane house, and pets, and maintaining some friendships and yada yada yada, being “The Good Enough Mother” (or father) is elusive. Research says we’ve given up on being “The Perfect Mother”, thank God; it’s now evidently considered enough to be “The Good Enough Mother.” Yet, even that seems like a high bar many days.

My son is five, and now, we have a new-ish challenge. This year, 2010, he truly discovered THE GAME. The computer game (Lego Harry Potter), the iPad game (Lego Harry Potter), the iPhone app (Harry Potter Spells) and now, thanks to Santa, the Wii game (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which is too hard, so Lego Indiana Jones). He also writes his own code for Harry Potter games he is inventing, but that’s another story altogether. And already, he’s gone from a kid who uttered “outside” as one of his first few words to a kid who whines incessantly about turning the game off and going outside.

Just this morning, an unusually warm day for December 31, we told him he could not play any games until we all took the dogs for a nice long walk to the park. The excuses came spewing forth immediately: “Can’t Dad just do it?” “I don’t like walks.” “I’m tired.” Halfway to the park: “Can we go home now?” “I’m tired.” Translation: I just want to go home and play the Wii. We continue the forced march to the park, and get on a swing. And, wait. What’s this? Who is this child hollering “Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” and “THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!!!” Happy kid, happy dogs, happy parents. For a little while.

But then we get home. And I’m the one whining about being tired, and having a headache, (all quite true) and taking him for a bike ride later instead of now. And somehow The Good Enough Mother has gone AWOL. And, as I sit in bed planning menus for the holiday weekend with my 87-year-old father and writing this, what’s he doing? Playing the Wii.

Yes, yes, no one is perfect and no one has energy all the time. And even I have to admit that I’m not, generally, a slacker parent. When I get home from work typically around 6:30PM, we do art projects and science experiments, when we can. Or we read Harry Potter books. Or, if my energy fails completely, we watch Harry Potter movies and snuggle off to sleep. Now, we might play Wii bowling when I get home, my personal favorite because it’s the only one I don’t completely suck at. On top of the many other resolutions for 2011 (More laughter, less drama; Lose the same 10 pounds I lose every Spring; Write more.) I’ve got one more to add here and it’s NOT getting better at video games.

I like games as much as the next person (though I am a hold out against Angry Birds because I don’t need another addiction). To me, it comes down to this. Compare the vacant stare in a kid’s eyes when they are playing a video game, regardless of platform (Helloooo? Junior? I’m talking to you.) to the light in a child’s eyes when they are fully engaged IRL. There. Is. No. Comparison.

Therefore, I believe we have an important resolution to make for our children: Less Wii, and more “Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Let’s go into 2011 with that top of mind.

Do you agree? Can you relate? Do you have similar challenges with your little people?

It’s harder to receive than to give....

Yesterday, Christmas Eve, I went to a yoga class at Yama Yoga Studio. One of the highlights (aside from the giant F-bomb that my dear friend Katie Klein dropped in the middle of class, making me laugh hysterically mid-pose) was a reading the fabulous teacher/studio owner Marietta gave on the topic of Receiving. I started thinking about how it’s harder (for me, at least) to receive than to give, when it seems like it “should” be the other way around. A Google search on that thought turned up an article from Martha Beck, Why It’s Harder to Receive Than to Give.

The juiciest tidbit: “The secret is this: no matter what happens, keep your heart open.”

This, my friends, is hard. Extremely hard. Painfully hard. The world, obviously, is not an easy place. So many bad things happen to good people every day that it can be very overwhelming and make it tempting to shut everything out, keep “putting it out there” without necessarily taking the time to take it back in. Even as I left yoga class, and Marietta so warmly offered me a Merry Christmas, I was busy packing my bag, messing with my phone, thinking about what I had to do when I got home. The ability to be in the moment and receive left as quickly as it came and as a result I gave a halfhearted Merry Christmas in return. Weak receiving leads to weak giving, which is part of the problem with it. It also leads to a chronic, vague sense of dissatisfaction.

So, going forward, I’m trying to get better at receiving. To, when someone says “you’re awesome” stop and believe it for just a second instead of dismissing it. To really soak it in like a big fat sponge of all the goodness in life. Yes, I said be a big fat sponge; there is nothing “wrong” with that, as long as you are giving, too.

Of course, it must be said that there are some people who have such strong spirits and are such powerful givers that it is next to impossible to not receive from them. One of these is the aforementioned Katie. Another, Sara Santiago, literally makes me overflow with emotion pretty much every time I see her. The goal is to react that way more often, with more people, whether it’s laughter, tears, whatever.

What’s harder for you? Receiving or giving?

You Can’t Put a Price on Shared Passion....

A colleague recently shared this Simon Sinek video, How Great Leaders Inspire Action, with me and it’s worth sharing with you. It’s not new, but is a thought-provoking piece about how truly inspired, innovative companies like Apple are driven not by what they do, or even how they do it, but by their vision of WHY they do it. (It’s long, but you can watch about the first 3-4 minutes and get the gist.)

This, I suspect, is one reason why an increasing number of folks are starting their own thing. Because not just outstanding companies but also outstanding individuals are driven by “Why”.

I highly recommend that any leader that manages people also read this recent article by Gini Dietrich, Money is Not a Motivator. The money quote (pun intended): “We want to see our work rewarded in ways more than just pay…what keeps us motivated, day after day to get up and go to work, is the feeling that we’re part of something.” A-men. I’ve talked to people who have trouble understanding this, but I believe for many of the best and brightest it is truly NOT about the money. Money is great, but not what drives us.

If you’re feeling discontented with your job, it may be because your “Why” is not the same as that of your organization or the people with whom you work. Meaning, you’re just not in it for the same reasons. Their passion, perhaps, doesn’t match yours, in direction, magnitude, or both.

Just over one year ago, I left Jigsaw, a company and a team with whom I shared a powerful bond, based in why we do what we do. I chased a shiny object that was dangled in front of my face. More money, yes. Partnership. More “power”, presumably. A new challenge, which is always appealing to self-motivated people. I don’t regret what I did. I met some great people and learned some important lessons.

What I learned, most of all, is that you just can’t put a price on shared passion. It’s hard to grasp that especially when you’re a young person in this business and don’t have many other professional experiences as frames of reference. When you find a place where you feel like you belong, you share the passion, your “Why” is the same, that in and of itself is invaluable.

Which is why I am going back to Jigsaw. See what I did there? I buried the lead. I got a second chance. I am enormously grateful and excited beyond belief to be going home.

What’s your “Why”? What drives you?