Great leadership is a rare gift

I have been thinking about leadership quite a bit lately. After 20+ years in marketing, observing the collective experiences of me, my colleagues and friends, I am struck by how truly great leaders seem to be few and far between. I could easily count the ones I have known on one hand. If I had three fingers.

I have been accused from time to time of being a decent leader. Yet, believe me, I know I have a lot of room for improvement. Truly outstanding, inspiring leadership is DAMN HARD.

The hardest part, in my opinion, is finding it in yourself to rise above all of the myriad obstacles to optimism and inspiration, and somehow pass inspiration to those around you — even when you may not be overflowing with it yourself at a particular moment in time. Now THAT, if you can do it, is a skill worth talking about. If you can do that, you have my utmost respect. Period. Tell me who you are and how you do it. I would like to take you to lunch. Seriously.

But if, like me, you are working on this skill very hard, here, are just a few thoughts on truly great, inspiring leadership.

First and foremost, people will do as you do, no matter what you say. I am a huge believer in leading by example. If you work 9-5 like clockwork, don’t expect your team to burn the midnight oil in search of greatness, no matter how many times you tell them to. Like it or not, culture rolls downhill. And it rolls from the very top, not from the middle.

Listen to what your team tells you is going on. Not halfway — ALL IN. Really listen. They are closer to most situations than you are. Not listening and responding to their concerns is the fastest way to communicate to them that you a) don’t get it b) don’t care or c) do not appreciate what they are trying to accomplish or how hard they are working. Empathy is critical. And I don’t care if you are Mars or Venus; if you plan to lead a team, you need to genuinely give a damn about what your people are saying. If your team has no empathy with you, you have no team.

Do you understand and practice the simple power of “thank you”? For highly self-motivated people, a little bit of sincere appreciation for what they do for you day in and day out means a great deal and provides more fuel for their fire than any amount of making demands ever will. When was the last time you told your team “thank you”, like you REALLY mean it? I have had a couple of leaders who did this really well, and it was a gift. You know who you are – THANK YOU.

Great leadership, like social media, is mostly stuff we learned in kindergarten, but forget to do. Behave well. Listen. Show you care. So why is it so often overlooked? There is more to it, obviously: Vision. Strategy. Being tough when you need to be tough. But I believe that the basics of quality human interaction are just as important.

When @deziner and I were road tripping to Madison last week to speak on social media strategy, we talked about more than our impending visit to the Lazy Oaf Lounge (and the attached Urgent Care). We talked about what makes great leadership. And she has a fantastic metaphor in her video post: Leadership in times of trouble or tornadoes.

What would you add? How can leaders can go from good (or not so good) to great?

Photo credit: Dunechaser; Flickr Creative Commons

  • http://translatordigitalcafe.com Mark Fairbanks

    Interesting—I caught a couple of episodes of Band of Brothers on Monday, in particular “The Breaking Point” which tells the story of Easy Company being pinned downed and shelled in the forest outside of Bastogne. It also tells the story of what true leadership is, as exemplified by the replacement commander Lt. Norman Dyke “a well-connected empty suit” and 1st Sergeant Carwood Lipton, (played by Donnie Wahlberg) who displays the true qualities of leadership. He leads by example, he empathizes with the soldiers, he says thank you. And most critically—as pointed out by Lt. Spiers at the end of the episode—he never even realizes he is leading, because it comes naturally to him. That is the quality of leadership most lacking—most “leaders” are preoccupied with the trappings of leadership. Rather than “acting” like a leader, it should flow naturally. True leadership is a gift you give to others, rather than a position you use to further your own resume.

    • http://www.spaighttalk.com Sue Spaight

      Mark, that is a great insight. I completely agree that many leaders do get caught up in what they think a leader “should” act like, aka tough guy (or gal) syndrome. It’s OK to be a leader and still be a human being first. Great story. Thank you.

      Sue

  • http://JimRaffel.com Jim Raffel

    Sue,

    First of all I’m pretty darn sure you wrote this for me. I’m struggling with a few leadership issues right now.

    For me the biggest thing is to keep your own emotions in check in front of the troops (most of the time). I once heard Rudy Giuliani say that, the key to being a great leader is to be the calmest person in the room. Again, I don’t always buy this sometimes a little fist pounding on the desk is good, let’s the troops know you are alive.

    Just dealt with a few things yesterday that if I had responded without sleeping on it, all I would have done is piss some people off. By sleeping on it and channeling the emotion into a few positive emails I hope I got my point across and instead of having mad people I have a team working their butts off to deliver.

    Having a sounding board you truly trust is good too. My wife listened to all my frustration about the issue yesterday and having a patient ear that didn’t jump on the band wagon but instead just let me talk (think) it out also made all the difference in the world.

    Jumping up and down and shouting is easy. Anyone can do it. Staying calm, thanking people, thinking things through in a crisis….few very few can do that consistently. I’m not sure I have yet worked with a great leader. I’ve had 2 or 3 pretty good mentors but have yet to work with a leader who truly inspires me to want to move beyond what I think is possible.

    Anywho, that’s my 2 cents. :)

    • http://www.spaighttalk.com Sue Spaight

      Jim, I can so relate. Keeping your emotions in check in front of the troops most of the time is huge, and a very difficult part of the equation for me as well. But yes, being “nice” always doesn’t work either; there is a time and a place to have a more impassioned point of view. It’s a hard balance to strike, and none of us are ever going to be perfect. “Most of the time” is great, I think. People have different expectations of leaders, too. When Obama gave his speech about the oil spill, I WANTED to see someone who wasn’t perfectly calm. I wanted to see that he understood the emotion of the situation and was pissed off about it, like we are. But others said that they appreciated his calm during the storm. Different strokes, different styles; empathy helps us understand the different styles on our team and work within them, perhaps. The sounding board is also key. Sometimes I call my husband and talk to him on the phone the whole way home, to talk about things before I get home, so they don’t affect the G-man. I arrive home in better shape, and we avoid late night work conversation which just creates insomnia. “Truly inspires me to move beyond what I think is possible.” = Nirvana.

      Thanks for sharing your insight and experience here. It’s so valuable.

      Sue

  • http://www.joshuagarity.com Joshua Garity

    What a great article Sue!

    I think leadership takes an overt ability to take a stand for what is best for many even when it’s not widely accepted. Having the confidence to help guide people through situations and ask for help without hesitation when you need your own guidance on specific tasks you aren’t experienced in.

    Leading by example is a large part of it. I couldn’t agree more with what you said. You have to walk the walk and talk the talk. If you want everyone to live up to the standards you require, you have to live by them to.

    Knowing when to say no. That is a crucial skill that goes unnoticed quite often as well.

    • http://www.spaighttalk.com Sue Spaight

      Joshua, thank you for commenting. Also saw your tweet – “successful leaders have the courage to take actions where others hesitate.” Very important. I for one have had plenty of leaders who sit back in their offices while things go to hell and hope that negative situations will go away. But they won’t go away unless someone takes action. Action makes a huge difference, but without some of the other behaviors we are talking about, it is not enough to inspire greatness and a true sense of team. Love your thinking and will check out some of your posts.

      Sue

  • Bob Fichtner

    I would add that great leaders know when to get out of the way. Rather than dictating what should happen because it is how they would do it, they give their team the freedom to achieve the goal in their own way.

    • http://www.spaighttalk.com Sue Spaight

      Thanks for commenting, Bob. You have to really trust your team to be able to do that. And it’s sometimes a fine line between getting out of the way, and giving no direction. But I agree with you 110%. -Sue

  • http://www.translatordigitalcafe.com Cindi

    Finally! Leave it to me to find time at midnight on a Saturday night to comment. :)

    The ability to teach, not manage. Having your team’s back, even if they need to be corrected in private. Having the strength and confidence to ask for help or show emotion. I think these are a few traits I would add to your list of what makes a true leader. And looking at that list, it severely limits those that can actually be true leaders – which may explain the short list of examples we can provide. Because while these types of traits can be tactics that can be outlined and attempted, if they are not an engrained part of a person, they will be fake, and not effective. Leadership requires a lack of ego, and that’s not something that can be learned, or taught.

    Was that bar really attached to an Urgent Care? Still amazed and confused about that. :)

    • http://www.spaighttalk.com Sue Spaight

      Completely agree, Cindi. Seems leadership is one of the things that we can work on enhancing but “you either have it, or you don’t.” Like design, or strategic planning. When I think about the leader I respected most in my career, he was all of the things of which you speak. He treated us like team members, not underlings. He respected us back, and he had our backs. He taught, and because he respected us, he didn’t view us as people he needed to “manage”. “Leadership requires a lack of ego” – probably the biggest thing that keeps the “great” list so short.

      Looking forward to more road trips with you. San Francisco here we come : )

      Sue

  • http://www.tommartin.typepad.com Tom Martin

    Simply brilliant post. Nuf said.

    • http://www.spaighttalk.com Sue Spaight

      Thank you Tom. High praise coming from the likes of you. Folks if you haven’t checked out Tom Martin’s Positive Disruption blog, I highly recommend.

  • Murelle

    I’m reading a book called “Inspiring Excellence” by Michael Schultzler. I highly recommend it if you’re interested in developing your leadership skills. It’s an easy, intuitive read, and as you point out Sue, it’s those basic “everything-I-ever-needed-to-know-i-learned-in-kindergarten” type of things that are most important to being a great leader and inspiring excellence in others. Number one on his list of fundamental leadership skills – Listening!

    • http://www.spaighttalk.com Sue Spaight

      Murelle, Thanks so much for being a new commenter here and for the great book recommendation. I will definitely check out Inspiring Excellence – glad to hear my thinking is on the right track. :)

  • http://www.netsolutionsgroup.net Tony Meister

    Most of your post is summed up in one of the best books I’ve read on leadership/management. It is “First, Break All The Rules.” The Gallop Poll correlated profits based on answers to 12 Questions. A couple are: “In the last seven days, have I received recognition or praise for doing good work?” Or, “Does my supervisor, or someone at work, seem to care about me as a person?” Over 80,000 managers were interviewed and the conclusion was summarized in this post. Nothing about pay, benefits, but a lot about leadership.

    I can say my road as a leader is made a bit easier just hearing from others who are going through the same ordeals. I can’t tell you how refreshing it was Sue to see you talk about the struggle to “rise above all of the myriad obstacles to optimism and inspiration.” The essence of leadership is forging through the toughest challenges in order to pave the way to success. Since true authority comes from responsibility, the essence of leadership means the “buck stops here” requiring us to take the burden of payroll, sales, and any other liability required in an organization. I can relate to Jim; I’ve often had to step back, take a breath, and forgo that temptation to not only pound my fist against the table, but to refrain from strangling someone as well. In a previous leadership role my manager said, “I think you’re a little upset. Maybe you should take the weekend to think about this” after someone I was responsible for misunderstood me and took the wrong action. Since then I’ve learned to take Jim’s advice and step back. However, I always want my team to know where things are at. I learned this from the book Execution http://amzn.to/Vgj12 by Larry Bossidy & Ram Charan.

    Being real is part of leadership. I love how Cindi said, “Leadership requires a lack of ego, and that’s not something that can be learned, or taught.” I was under some accomplished leaders at GE but some of them had too much ego to admit they were wrong. This created a subtle backlash behind the scenes as the negative chatter slowly depleted their reputation and heart following among the team.

    I always find that when I’m holding true to “empathy” and staying close to the team, there is more synergy and effectiveness. Leadership without relationship is dictatorship.

    • http://www.spaighttalk.com Sue Spaight

      Tony, your comment fires me up. “Leaderships without relationship is dictatorship.” Amen!!!

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  • Priya

    Hello Sue,

    I was looking for a ‘rare gift’ that I would like to gift someone close to me so I googled something to that effect and the first search is yours – Leadership is a rare gift. I am so happy that I came across it.

    It is a great post and I agree whole-heartedly with you. Very small incidents of care really do matter. You would have already gone through Arbinger Institute’s Leadership and Self-Deception but if not I would say its a great read and deals with not faking emotions and really liking someone as opposed to just pretending to like them.

    One of me favorite managers who I would say is a great leader practices the some of the following -
    1. complete freedom of thought, word and action to his team.
    2. if the team is staying late into the night to finish critical work he is there with them and asks everyone if he can help

    What I feel is – People who are in charge of teams have to learn to be leaders; else they will just be managers.

    thanks and keep up the great writing,
    take care
    Priya

    • http://www.spaighttalk.com Sue Spaight

      Priya, thank you for visiting in the wee hours of the morning :) I agree with you, so much of being a great leader is, quite simply, being there, for your team and with your team. If you’re not, and you’re just barking orders from afar, you have little credibility or authenticity. I also really like your point about a leader sharing complete freedom of thought, word, and action. Treating them as equals, not “subordinates”. Excellent addition. -Sue